-43,200 Minutes: The Lesson Rarely Learned

There is a disease many of us share. The abused, the bullied, the poor, and the challenged are infected with it. The perfectionists, the well-off, and the brave are many times driven by it. No, it is not sin, though sin is what caused it's birth. And, no, not all have contracted this painful disease. Some very happy souls choose to be rid of it.

For years, I suffered with this terrible disease and God has relentlessly showed me the cure. I refused to take it. It is as if I loved the thing that was killing me. Can one love hatred?

The disease I suffered was self-hatred. For me, it was driven by an insatiable desire to be unflawed. I had to get the best grades. I had to be the best worker. I had to be the best or at least.... perfect. If I found that I was not perfect... if I made a mistake, I chose to hate who I was. I hated myself.  

This can't be God's design! This can't be who I am. He didn't design me to hate.... did He?

No, deep down I know God's plan for every life on this planet is the contrary of self-hatred. Nevertheless, I wanted perfection and to know that I am doing good things. But for five weeks straight I was forced to sit on a couch and do nothing.

Time and lies tore the flesh of who I was. They eroded my fortitude and newly gained confidence. They took only five weeks to break me.

I'll never forget what my girlfriend, Molly, told me the night I broke. Through tears she said, "You want to love everyone in the world and  I love that about you, but you refuse to love yourself. You have to learn to love yourself, otherwise, how can you really love anyone else?"

Jesus says in Mark 12, "...love your neighbor as yourself..." I believe there is a double prerogative there. We are creatures, masterpieces, created to be loved and to love. We have no greater purpose. Yet, in the past I clearly remember thinking of Jesus' words and saying to myself, "Well, I don't really love myself, why should I love that jerk?"  Could it be that as I learn to love myself more, I can love others more as well?

This is the lesson I have learned over the last month and a half. I have chosen my cure. My cure is not to call myself worthless like I did before. Now, whenever the impulse to hate myself arises, I call myself Jonathan D Miller, Beloved, Adopted Son of the One True King of The Universe. You see, I choose to accept the great price that was paid for my life. I choose to accept Jesus' unconditional love. That changes everything. That's my cure.

Sadly, I know my former disease will battle to come back and I will fight it with love. And I am not alone. Thanks be to God I am not alone!

Sadder even, I know I am far from the only one to suffer from this disease. There are so many ways by which self-hatred can infect a person. Bullying, broken families, abuse and perfectionism are only a few ways the by which this disease is transmitted. It kills the beloved children of God every day.

Please, if you are suffering now, don't believe the lies. There is a God who made you and cherishes you every day. He calls. Read Romans 8. Listen to His voice and not the lies. It can be a battle, but you are not alone. 

-59,040 Minutes: Glass Box

A deep ache resides in my heart. Tears comes to my eyes as I consider it all. I feel like I am in a glass box, seeing all of the pain around me, but unable to get out. I can't help.

You see...

I am loved son. I have two parents and whole family.  Yet I have to watch my mom struggle with her parents losing their minds and constant stress. Furthermore, I have to watch my dad work excessively at a job he despises. What can I do?

I am also a brother. My brother is the hardest worker I know. He is an amazing servant. Yet I have to listen to him get mistreated and underappreciated at work. What can I do?

I am a blessed boyfriend. My girlfriend, Molly, is one of the most compassionate people I know. She has been a missionary in Madagascar for almost a year. She cries at the nutrition, clean water, and many other things the Malagasy people lack. She loves the heart and community they're affluent in.

Molly is coming back soon. It is hard for her to leave the Malagasy people and her friends. I want to help, yet I can barely begin to understand her struggles. What can I do?

I am a youth minister. I love teaching teens about Jesus and His love. Yet I see dramatic scars and pain in the lives of so many of them. What can I do?

I am a fortunate American. I do not need more food. I drink clean water. Yet I know that starvation and poisonous water massacre children around the world every day. What can I do?

I am in a glass box. I am broken and constrained to my house. I can't get out... There is pain everywhere I look. Tears are in my eyes. What can I do? In the present I can only pray and trust God. Soon, I know God will let me out of the box. For now, I will pray and trust my Maker.

    

" Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." ~ Romans 12:12  

-66,240 Minutes: Passion and Knowledge

"Brothers and sisters, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for the Israelites is that they may be saved. For I can testify about them that they are zealous for God, but their zeal is not based on knowledge." ~ Romans 10:1-2

Recently, I have witnessed a lot of hurting and misled people:

A year ago, I watched a young man choose his own design rather than God's Word. He ended up hurt. He now despises a body of believers that I love dearly.

A month ago, I learned that approximately 80% of Indian people haven't heard the Gospel. That's 960,000,000 people just in India who don't know Jesus' love for them. How can that be?  

A week ago, I read a passionate post that pleaded for all to know the truth. A Mormon man wrote that post.

Four days ago, I listen to a man speak about getting married as if it meant nothing. "We've already been living together for two years. Nothing's going to change," He said.

The list goes on...

Not long ago, I didn't understand how to love like God does. I would have selfishly argued with most of the people I listed. Why? Because I know they are wrong and I like being right.

God's has taught me since then. I understand that like the Israelites, these people are zealous. Nevertheless, they don't have the knowledge of Jesus that needs to go with the passion.  

Like Paul's love for his fellow Israelites, God has given me a love for these people. It has truly become my heart's desire and prayer to God that all would come to know the truth. I'll preach, sing, pray, or do whatever else it take to help them find the knowledge of Christ, but most of all I'll love.